- Most Camera Pans to Gauge Their Reactions: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, God Status
- Most Likey To Become An Alcoholic Drinking Away the Pain: Leonardo DiCaprio, Go Home Buddy
- Best Uggie: Uggie, Uggie
- I’m So Commited To Not Showing Up, I Have A Clause In My Will That Says My Ashes Can’t Be Taken Within 20 Feet of The Oscars: Woody Allen, A Quirky Movie About An Attractive Woman Falling In Love With A Neurotic Middle Aged Man
- Hugot to Be Kidding Me: Hugo
- Best New Artist: Angelina Jolie’s Leg, Daaaamn Girl
- Get This Guy To Host the Oscars: Robert Downey Jr, Sunglasses at the Oscars
- Sorry You Weren’t Nominated, You Were Really Good: Drive
- Talk To Me Until I Fall Asleep (Best Voice Award): Jean Dujardin, Walking Charm Bomb
- Most Expensive Pointless Scene: Harry and Voldemort facemeld, Harry Potter
- Least Likely to Give A Shit: Gary Oldman, His Life
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